I’ve come to realise that for half a century, on the whole, I have not been a fan of change. Inevitably it has provoked emotions ranging from high levels of anxiety to sheer joy all thrown into a mixing bowl and bound together with mild nervousness. Yet it has also been a wonderful teacher. In this University of Life I may be undertaking the slowest degree known to mankind but what will I graduate with I wonder?
The past fifteen months have been extraordinary on so many different levels. I married the man of my dreams and inherited a wonderfully large, fun and loving family on doing so, I lost my beloved Father and then three months later lost my job. So many lows but the biggest high too.
At the time losing my job felt as if it were the straw that broke the camel’s back yet it has been the complete opposite. I have found an inner freedom that I now realise has been yearning to break free. Of course it has its financial restrictions but as I look for a job I find myself asking “what do I ‘want’ to do?” rather than go to a default panic state of mind.
It has been a season in my life where it’s been so topsy turvy and emotionally turbulent I haven’t known at times what to do. But absolutely as I reflect I am realising that I wouldn’t have been without any of it. Because with change (in my view especially things that can seem insurmountable in the moment) we grow, we develop personally and above all we learn. If we are lucky we take what we discover and use it for the next season in our lives. We are all constantly in motion and evolving and these experiences hopefully give us some great tools to move on.
I suppose what I’m saying is with that half century I am trying to learn how to embrace change rather than be terrified of it!