Yesterday I realised that it was exactly ten years ago at I was on a three week break travelling around the States with my ex-husband and we were in Chicago.
The thing that jogged my memory? It was St Patrick’s Day. At this point I should probably mention that my ex husband is Irish. Everywhere we went we were offered something to drink that had been dyed green, or some Irish related green food – even the river had been dyed to look the same colour as Kermit. My ex mentioned to me that as he was the “real thing” he wouldn’t be drinking green Guinness or eating anything looking the same colour as a tree.
Today it has found me questioning authenticity.
How authentic are we all really? How often do we pretend to be something or someone who we aren’t? How much of a false image do we portray to those around us? More importantly how much are we actually deceiving ourselves?
As I started thinking about it I questioned how authentic I am. I have always believed myself to be a truthful, honest woman with integrity. I believe I am those things. But I’m also aware that on the outside I may give the impression of being more than happy in my single, child free status. That isn’t true. I am aware that I probably give the vibe that I’m perfectly happy taking holiday but not going away because “I want to get things done at home”. I probably give the impression that the job I’m doing is the job I really want to do and that completes my life. Not so. A life in the theatre or working with young people is what I would truly love to do but I have bills to pay and I am realistic.
So I wonder where does that leave me?
So here goes… I would love to be happily married, part of a large happy family, go on holidays abroad more often and work somewhere that feeds my soul. But that isn’t where I am right now. It may be one day that God provides me with a husband and children but right now I am where I am and on the whole I am a very happy bubbly person that enjoys life.
Perhaps today I am beginning to be a little more authentic with myself as well as others.….