Goodbyes….

I have said my fair share of goodbyes…some have been easier than others.  Some have been more permanent than others.  But in every case they have been tough but they grow me as a person.

The time I finally said goodbye to my ex-husband wasn’t terribly sad by the time it came.  Our divorce had been quite ugly in parts.  Love had turned into something I didn’t recognise and had reduced me to someone I wasn’t familiar with any more.  I felt wretched because it was the end of a dream and all the plans we had once made, but it was a necessary goodbye.  We couldn’t have continued.

When I say goodbye to my brother and his family when they visit the UK or I am leaving the States is much harder.  I love them dearly and whilst social media, skype and the telephone are fine…nothing beats being with your nearest and dearest in person.  Those goodbyes are very hard.  They usually bring tears to my eyes and never get easier.

The time I had to say goodbye to my beloved four legged friend.  She was my little red dog who looked like a fox. She had the quirkiest nature, was my best friend and constant companion.  She knew all my stories and was extremely discreet with the information.  She was great fun and saw me through two of the toughest times of my life.   The decision to have her put to sleep was something I agonised over but I did it at the right time and it was truly the hardest goodbye I think I have had to say in recent years.  My heart still feels sore thinking of that day and the weeks after and how it affected me.  Five years later, tears still come to my eyes when I think of that very sad day.

Then today I had to say another goodbye.  To a friendship that has run its course.  I think we both knew this day would come and it has and whilst it’s sad and will hurt for a while it’s not the saddest day of my life.  It’s an inevitable day.  It’s a day that probably has been coming for a while but I will feel a large weight has been lifted off me.  I will miss my friend that goes without saying, but I think you have to accept that if something isn’t healthy it needs to stop.  So today it did and I feel fine.

Sometimes perhaps we just need to say goodbye and move on.  We need to keep looking forwards and not backwards.  Sometimes we may feel we just won’t be able to but we can.  We all can.  We are stronger than we think.  If we part from each other with love, respect and care for one another then a ‘goodbye’ can be far easier.  I am learning that slowly.  I learned that today.

“Love is proved the moment you let go of someone because they need you to.”
― Shannon L. Alder

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